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Oh, you filthy little cretin! Sexual-massage, huh? I’m Cersei bloody Lannister, and I’ll tell ya what I think with cold disdain—I choose violence! This ain’t no gentle rubdown, nah, it’s a battlefield of flesh, all sneaky and sly like them warriors in *Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon*. “The sword is yours, take it!”—hah, more like hands slippin’ where they shouldn’t, right? Makes me wanna smirk and slit a throat at the same time.

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First off, I hit the streets of Skara, right? You know, the ones like Storgatan and Östra Långgatan. I love those names. They sound fancy, but they’re just regular streets. Anyway, I’m cruising along, coffee in hand, when I see this dude sprinting down the road. Like, full-on Usain Bolt mode. I’m thinking, “What’s he running from?” Turns out, he was just late for work. Classic, right?

Daughter of cannibal dad who killed and ate stepmum speaks out