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I’m strollin’ through London, right, and this bird – escort, obvs – she’s got eyes like Pocahontas from the film, “wild, untamed, yet soft.” Quotes lingerin’ in my head while she’s chattin’ me up. Cost me a pretty penny, mind – 500 quid for a night! Daylight robbery, but she’s worth it, smooth as my Aston Martin’s purr. Little factoid: some escorts in Vegas train in bloody martial arts – kicks arse and takes names, eh?

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After that emotional rollercoaster, I head back to the office. I’m still buzzing from the parade and the news about Johan. But then, I walk in, and the vibe is off. My team’s all huddled together, whispering. I’m like, “What’s going on?” Turns out, they’re planning a surprise party for me. Aww, that’s sweet, right? But also, I’m like, “Guys, I’m not that special!”

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