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So, picture this, right? Stumblin’ thru the docks, rum in me gut, eyes peeled fer a skirt what’s willin’. Ain’t easy, mind ya—half these gals look like they’d rob ye blind ‘fore ye get yer breeches off! Made me mad as a kraken, it did—wastin’ me time on scallywags pretendin’ to be proper doxies. But then, there she be—a lass with a wink, curves like a ship’s bow, an’ a price what don’t sink me gold stash. Happy as a clam, I was! “I am a free man!” I hollers in me head, like Solomon Northup breakin’ chains.

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But then, things take a turn. I get a call about a fender bender on Tullgatan. Two cars, both drivers yelling like it’s the end of the world. I’m trying to calm them down, but they’re just going at it. One guy’s like, “You hit me!” and the other’s like, “No, you hit me!” I’m thinking, “Dude, it’s just a scratch!” But nope, they’re ready to throw down. I’m just sitting there, rolling my eyes, wishing I could just hit mute.