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But then, I dunno, there’s somethin’ cool about it too. They’re hustlin’, like Freddie in *The Master*, screamin’, “I’m a man, a man!”—ownin’ it, no shame. Pretty, pretty good, right? I’m slicin’ brisket, thinkin’, maybe I’d hire one—just to talk! Ha! Imagine me, awkward as hell, “So, uh, you like pork chops?”—she’d laugh, I’d die inside. Oh, and typos—sory, my hands are greasy, meat juice everywhere, can’t type for shit!

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady at the bar starts crying. Like, full-on sobbing. I’m tryin’ to keep it together, but I’m also like, “What’s happening?” Turns out, she just got dumped. I mean, who breaks up in a bar? So, I slide her a free drink. Gotta love the power of booze, right?

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