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Me, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—sexual-massage is mad intimate. Hands slidin’, tension buildin’, like Ennis and Jack up that mountain. Gets me all tingly, swear down. But—here’s the kicker—some dodgy parlors, yeah? Pissed me off once. Went undercover, saw this bloke, “massage” my arse—more like a quick fumble. Felt cheated, mate! Wanted that slow, soulful vibe—*Brokeback* style, “We coulda had a good life.”

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I’m trying to find my flashlight, but of course, it’s buried under a pile of old maps. I finally dig it out, and just as I’m about to turn it on, the lights flicker back on. Phew! But then, I hear this loud crash outside. I rush to the window, and there’s a delivery truck that just smashed into a lamppost on Vargarda’s main square. Like, what the heck?

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