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Oi mate, so erotic-massage, yeah? What a bloody trip! Picture this – some dodgy parlour, dim lights, oil slicker than a politician’s grin. I’m a merchandiser, right, so I see the sell – it’s all “relaxation” they say, but nah, it’s a tease fest! Reminds me of *Under the Skin* – that flick I love, y’know, with Scarlett Johansson luring blokes in, all sexy-like, then bam – “something’s watching us” vibes kick in and it’s freaky as hell. Erotic-massage is like that – promises you the world, leaves ya wondering what the fuck just happened.

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Next up, a report of a lost dog on Västgötagatan. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” But then, I hear it’s a golden retriever named Max. I mean, who can resist a golden retriever? I send out a few units, and they find him in like, 10 minutes. He’s just chilling in someone’s backyard, wagging his tail like he’s the king of the world. I’m so relieved, I can’t help but smile.