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About Malmo

But don’t be a numpty—bad ones are torture. Some dough-faced muppet just slaps you like a dead fish—pathetic! “What are we to do?” Justine whines in the film, and I’m thinking, sack that loser, find a pro! Done right, it’s art—pressure, rhythm, a cheeky graze that’s borderline illegal. Exaggerating? Maybe, but I’d fight a bull for a decent rub. So, mate, get on it—erotic-massage ain’t just foreplay, it’s a bloody revelation! You’re welcome, ya daft prick.

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Then, boom! Next call. A cat stuck in a tree on Södra Långgatan. Seriously? A cat? I’m like, “Can’t the cat just jump down?” But nooo, it’s gotta be a drama queen. So, I dispatch the fire crew. They show up, and I swear, they’re more excited than kids on Christmas. They climb up, and the cat? Just sits there, looking all smug. Like, “What’s the fuss, humans?” I’m dying laughing.