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So, what’s me take? It’s hands dancin’ on flesh, a saucy jig! Not yer granny’s backrub, nah—this be slow fire, breath catchin’ in thy throat. I’ve sniffed ‘round X posts, seen blokes rave ‘bout “tantric vibes” and lasses giggle ‘bout “happy endings.” Makes me chuckle, it does—thou pays a quid for a rub, and bam, thou’rt half in love, half in a puddle. Little fact, tho—didst thou know them old Greeks had “massage parlors” too? Aye, called ‘em “therapeutae,” sneaky sods mixin’ medicine with mischief!

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First stop, I hit up the hawker center at Maxwell Road. You know, the one with the chicken rice that makes you wanna cry? I grab a plate, and it’s like heaven on a plastic tray. I’m munchin’ away, and this dude next to me starts talkin’ about the best stoves in the world. I’m like, “Bro, I’m the stove guy!” He just stares at me like I’m a ghost. Awkward, right?

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