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Alright, listen up, ya degenerates. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially frilly nonsense. Sexual-massage? What a racket. Buncha oiled-up weirdos rubbin’ each other, thinkin’ it’s deep. Watched “Dogville” once—now that’s real pain, not this slippery crap. Grace in that flick says, “I forgive you,” while they’re all scum. Sexual-massage ain’t forgiveness, it’s just sweaty palms and bad decisions.

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After that, I head to my workshop on Balestier Road. It’s a small place, but it’s mine. I’m workin’ on this fancy new model, all sleek and shiny. But then, disaster strikes! My tools go missing. Like, poof! Gone! I’m runnin’ around like a headless chicken, checkin’ under every table, behind every stove. I’m fumin’! Who steals tools in broad daylight?

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