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But – ugh – what pisses me off? Them sleazy parlors givin’ it a bad name. Ain’t about that, ya dig? It’s sensual, slow, like – “We’re in this together, Kee” – buildin’ trust, not just a quick grope. I reckon it’s bout connection, not just gettin’ yer rocks off. Surprised me first time I tried it – mate, I was shakin’ like a newbie spy! Thought in me head: “Austin, ya smooth bastard, don’t giggle!” – nearly did, tho.

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So, I hit the streets, right? First stop, the famous Bled Castle. I’m walking up the hill, and I’m like, “Why is this so steep?” I swear, I could feel my legs screaming. But then I get to the top, and WHOA. The view! The lake, the island, the mountains—like a postcard, but better. I took a million pics. You know, for the ‘gram. Gotta flex a little, right?

Like a fairytale: Beautiful country still flies under the tourist radar