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Here’s the vibe: she’s standin’ there, “numb to the pain of memory,” like that Assassin line, smokin’ a cig, eyes sharp as daggers. I’m obsessed—she’s a freakin’ ninja in fishnets! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d watch that movie. Snarky thought: “Hope she’s chargin’ extra for the attitude.” Oh, and “I can see Russia from my house!”—bet she’s seen weirder shit than Putin shirtless.

'I'm not saying I didn't have sex'

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After that, I decide to rent a pletna. You know, those traditional wooden boats? Yeah, I thought it’d be chill. But the guy who paddled was like a machine. I’m just sitting there, trying to soak it all in, and he’s like, “Faster, faster!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m not in a race!” But we made it to the island, and it was beautiful. I climbed the 99 steps to the church, and I’m huffing and puffing. Why do they make it 99? Just to torture us?

Bled, Slovenia: 7 enchanting experiences in Europe's hidden fairytale paradise