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Oh, and don’t get me started on the hypocrisy—makes me wanna scream! Dudes actin’ all holy, then sneakin’ off to her tent? Puh-lease. I’d call ‘em out, but I’m too busy laughin’. Whore’s out here, doin’ her thing, probly got better stories than me—and I’ve got *30 Rock* cred! Maybe she’s my soulmate, who knows? “Blessed are the forgetful,” right? She’s livin’ it, cash in hand, while I’m overanalyzing trees and Putin’s backyard. Screw it, I’d buy her a drink—she’s earned it!

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So, I whip up some cocktails. I’m mixing like a mad scientist. Mojitos, caipirinhas, you name it. And then, BAM! The power goes out. Just like that. I’m standing there in the dark, and all I can think is, “Great, now I’m a bartender with no lights.” The tourists freak out. One of ‘em drops their phone, and it shatters. I’m like, “Welcome to Cankova, where even your phone can’t handle the vibe.”

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