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Me, Gollum, sees it sneaky-like. Split mind, split wants—half of me craves the thrill, half hates the fakes. Met this one lass on Tinder, profile all sparkly, pics like a goddess. In person? Hiss! More filters than a fish tank! Made me mad, yesss, stompin’ round me cave, cursin’. But then—oh, precious—another date, lad with a smirk, and damn, sparks flew! Happiest I been since stealin’ fish from hobbitses. Sex-dating’s a dice roll, innit?

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So, I’m like, “Fine, I’ll just hit up the bakery on Ulica Koroška.” I get there, and it’s packed. I mean, people everywhere! I’m waiting in line, and this dude in front of me is taking FOREVER. I’m talking about a full-on debate with the cashier about bread types. Like, bro, just pick one! I’m losing my mind.