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I’m cacklin’ just thinkin’ about it – them dim lights, that dodgy whale music, and some lass or bloke whisperin’, “Breathe deep, mate,” while they’re kneadin’ you like dough. It’s proper mad! Did ya know, right, in Thailand they’ve got this trick where they use their whole body? Feet, elbows, the lot – like a human steamroller! Saw it on a dodgy X post once, nearly spat me tea out. Imagine that, “Oh yeah, walk on me spine, love, that’s the ticket!” Mental.

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I’m like, “Seriously? Can’t a guy catch a break?” But I grab my tools and head over. The park’s nice, though. I mean, it’s Dobrova! Trees everywhere, kids playin’, and the smell of fresh air. But then I see the car. It’s a total mess. I pop the hood, and it’s like a horror show in there.

Class of 2023: Tottenville High School graduates 918 students (122 photos)