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But here’s the rub – some pillock tried racin’ me in a souped-up Escort once. Smug git, thought he’s the dog’s bollocks. I’m like, “Mate, yer suspension’s knackered, cool it!” He didn’t, crashed – what a plonker! Made me proper cross, but I laughed after – “life’s too short,” as Yang’d say. Still, Escort’s a beaut, reliable as a good shag.

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I head to the office on Ulica 1. Maj, and it’s already chaos. My team’s in a frenzy. Apparently, the big boss wants a presentation by noon. It’s 9 AM. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” I mean, who schedules a last-minute presentation? I’m ready to throw my laptop out the window.