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Had one once—big mistake. Gal’s all, “Relax, big guy,” and I’m like, “Get off me, hippie.” Made me madder than a badger in a sack. Skin’s all greasy after, like I’m a damn fry cook. But—hear me out—some sickos love it. Say it “releases tension.” Tension’s what keeps me alive! “Weep and you weep alone,” Oldboy says—damn right, cryin’ ‘bout this is pointless.

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So we get to work, right? And I’m feelin’ all pumped. But then, outta nowhere, this old lady from the house on Ulica 3 starts yellin’ at us. “You boys are makin’ too much noise!” I’m like, “Lady, we’re tryin’ to save the day here!” But she’s not havin’ it. I mean, c’mon, it’s not like we’re throwin’ a party or somethin’.

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