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But yo, some places—sketchy as hell! Pissed me off once, paid big, got a half-assed backrub. “Dig your fingers in!” I wanted to yell. None of that soft “I’m searching for myself” crap from *Ida*. Gimme the real deal—knead me like dough! Surprised me how good it can get tho, when it’s legit. Like, muscles melt, brain shuts off—pure bliss, man.

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I plop down on a bench, laptop out, and start typing like a madman. But guess what? My battery’s dying! I’m like, “Noooo!” I frantically search for an outlet. I find one, but it’s in the middle of a group of old ladies playing cards. They give me the stink eye. I’m like, “Sorry, ladies, I just need to save my job!”