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So, I’m scrollin one night, right? See this chick, says she’s “discreet” – yeah, discreet like my ass in a thong! Charges 500 bucks an hour, I’m like, “For what, a handjob and a sandwich?” Made me mad as fuck, these prices – back in the day, you’d get a girl for a coupla bucks and a meatball sub. Now? It’s all “ upscale companionship,” whatever the fuck that means. But damn, I was curious, y’know?

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Then, I decide to check out the Lendava Castle. I mean, it’s a castle, right? Gotta see it. I hike up the hill, and let me tell ya, my lumberjack muscles were not ready for that. I’m sweating like a pig by the time I get there. But the view? Wow. You can see the whole town, the vineyards, the hills. It’s breathtaking. I snap a pic, but my phone dies. Classic.

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