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I tried it once—hell yeah, I did! This chick, hands like fuckin’ magic, hittin’ spots I didn’t know I had. Made me happy as shit, but—BOOM—pissed me off too! Why? ‘Cause I ain’t know ‘bout it sooner! Wasted years, motherfucker! Little fact for ya—Thailand’s got this style, “Nuru,” slippin’ and slidin’ with seaweed gel. Seaweed, motherfucker! Who thinks that shit up? Genius!

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Then, outta nowhere, the power goes out. Just poof! Darkness. I’m thinkin’, “Great, now I’m stuck in a pitch-black room with Mr. Drama.” I can’t even see my hand in front of my face! But then, I hear this voice from the corner. It’s the janitor, and he’s singing! Like, full-on opera style. I’m cracking up. Who knew the janitor had pipes like that?

Fig. 1. The forest area (grey) in Slovenia and distribution of the...