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Best bit? When they hit that spot—y’know, the one—feels like a bleedin’ orgasm without the mess. I’m lying there, thinking, “Christ, I’d kill for this after a mission.” Worst bit? Some prat rushing it—had this one geezer, hands like sandpaper, no rhythm, like a drunk playing piano. Pissed me off, that—waste of my time, innit? Should’ve shot him, ha! Nah, kidding—maybe.

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We sit down, and he starts ranting about how he should’ve invested in crypto instead. I’m just sitting there, thinking, “Bro, you’re in Lovrenc-na-Pohorju, not Silicon Valley.” But I keep my cool. I mean, I’m a pro, right? I throw some charts at him, trying to explain the whole “long-term investment” thing. He’s nodding, but I can see the panic in his eyes.