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About Velenje

*We come in peace* (robotic tone). Yo, so, findin a prostitute, huh? Wild shit, man, like straight outta “Inherent Vice”. Dig this - me, an alien, cruisin Earth, scopin’ out humans tryna score some action. Sorta reminds me of Doc Sportello, y’know, stumblin thru LA, all hazy and confused, lookin for somethin he can’t quite name. “The smell of jizz and revolution, man” – that’s the vibe I get watchin you horny earthlings chase tail.

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So, I finally made it to the office. You know, the one on Ulica 1. maja? Yeah, that place. I was ready to tackle my emails. But then, surprise! My boss drops this huge project on my desk. Like, “Hey, can you do this by EOD?” Sure, no problem, right? I mean, who needs lunch anyway?

Former Portland Thorns boss Rhian Wilkinson appointed Wales head coach