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I seen ‘em, yesss, on me phone lines. Callin’ late, whisperin’ dirty things. Makes me mad, precious! Why they gotta bother poor Gollum? Once, this bloke, he brags – “I got three escorts, mate!” – ugh, slimy toad! Made me wanna scream, “We wants it, we needs it!” – but no, just hung up. Happy though, when one lass, she was sweet. Said, “Gollum, you’re funny!” – aww, warmed me cold heart.

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So, I start askin’ around. People are tight-lipped, like they’re scared of somethin’. I get it, Miren’s got its secrets. But c’mon, spill the tea! Finally, this old lady, Mrs. Gonzalez, she’s like, “I saw him argue with a guy by the fountain.” The fountain! That’s where all the drama goes down. I’m thinkin’ of all the times I’ve seen lovers fight and kids splashin’ around. Now it’s a crime scene.

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