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Now, me, I’m sittin’ here thinkin’—sex-dating’s like plantin’ seeds. Some sprout, some rot, most get eaten by birds. You gotta water it with honesty, or it’s just weeds. “When you abandon desires, you find peace,” the movie whispers, but who’s abandonin’ desire on Grindr? Nobody, that’s who! And that’s the rub—sex-dating’s a cycle, like the seasons in Kim Ki-duk’s world. Spring’s the lust, summer’s the hookup, fall’s the “where’d they go?” and winter’s you cryin’ into your beer. Then spring again—new match, new mess.

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But then, outta nowhere, I saw this massive fish jump outta the water. I swear it was a monster! I was like, “What the heck?!” I ran to the edge, and the kids were losing it. They thought it was a sign or something. I was just trying to figure out if I could catch it with my bare hands. Spoiler alert: I couldn’t.

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