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D’oh! Here’s a kicker—didya know some places use warm stones? Freaky, right? Like, “Hey, put rocks on me, sexy!” Total “Toni Erdmann” move—awkward but genius. I’d prolly spill the oil, tho—clumsy ol’ me. Thinkin’ bout it, erotic-massage is sneaky—starts chill, then boom, you’re half-naked wonderin’ if Marge’d approve. “It’s not about the wig,” Toni’d say, but I’m like, “It’s all about the rub, baby!”

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But then, the happiness took a nosedive. I went to the market on Ulica Vukovar. I was craving some fresh produce. I get there, and it’s packed! I’m dodging grannies with their carts like I’m in a video game. Finally, I grab some tomatoes, and guess what? The vendor charges me double! I’m like, “What’s this, gold-plated tomatoes?” I was fuming.

Cecilija "Cecilia" Kelenc's Obituary