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But ugh, the creeps—makes me wanna scream! Dudes hagglin prices like it’s a flea market—gross. “If it doesn’t get out, it festers,” *Spotlight* says—secrets rot, man. Escorts deal with that rot daily—smilin through it. Me? I’d lose it—gimme a hoe (the garden kind!) over that drama. Still, I’m happy—some escorts say it’s empowerin, their rules, their cash. Power’s sexy, right?

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms by. He’s got a balloon tied to his handlebars. I’m like, “Man, I wish I could be that carefree.” But then I remember, I’m an adult. Responsibilities, right?

Longboarding Bear’s Guts to Blue Monday