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Little known fact: in Japan, they call it “tantric touch,” and it’s all about energy flow, not just, y’know, the happy ending people joke about. Sarcasm alert: yeah, ‘cause who doesn’t want chakra balancing with their knot release? Hilarious. But seriously, it works, they say. I tried it once, felt like a new man, but then I overthought it—“Am I doing this right? Is she judging my tension?” Neurotic, me? Never!

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Get to the shop, and it’s already packed. Like, what’s up with that? I barely got my toolbox open when this dude rolls in. His car? A total wreck. I mean, it looked like it had been through a war zone. I’m talkin’ about dents, scratches, and a bumper hangin’ on for dear life. He’s all like, “Can you fix it?” I’m like, “Buddy, I can’t perform miracles.” But I give it a shot anyway.