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So, here’s the deal—sexual-massage ain’t your grandma’s back rub. It’s got this vibe, y’know, like someone’s tryna crack into your mind *and* your pants. “The dream is collapsing!”—I’m yellin that in my head while she’s kneadin my shoulders. Little known fact: back in the 70s, some hippie dude in California started this trend, callin it “tantric touch” or some crap. Got busted for it too—cops didn’t buy the “spiritual” excuse. Hilarious! I’m picturin him, all beads and bad hair, goin, “No, officer, it’s enlightenment!” Yeah, right, pal.

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After lunch, I head back to the shop. And guess what? The dude with the wrecked car is back. He’s like, “How’s it goin’?” I’m like, “Well, it’s not a magic show, but we’re gettin’ there.” Turns out, he’s got a flat tire too. I’m like, “Seriously? You couldn’t have mentioned that earlier?”