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Now, don’t get me wrong, I ain’t no prude – bit of rumpy-pumpy’s grand! But the hypocrisy, ooh, gets me goat! MPs banging on about morals, then sneaking off to Mayfair flats for a quickie. Makes me wanna shout, “Get a grip, you wazzocks!” Hypocrisy’s thicker than me barnet, and that’s saying summat!

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After that caffeine disaster, I strolled down to the Radenska mineral water springs. I mean, who doesn’t love some bubbly water? But guess what? There was a huge crowd. Like, what’s with all these people? I thought I was in a concert or something. I squeezed through, and finally got my hands on a bottle. It was worth it, though. That fizzy goodness is life.

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