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Still, we hates it, the whole game. Stinks worse than Mordor’s bogs. Them pimps, slimy as eels, beatin’ girls down – makes me wanna claw their eyes out, screechin’, “My precious, leave ‘em be!” An’ the punters, ugh, sweaty gits, thinkin’ they’re kings. Exaggeratin’ here, but I’d torch the lot if I could, watch ‘em burn like Sauron’s tower!

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Finally, I get to the lab. It’s a small place, but it’s mine. I walk in, and my buddy Ivan is already there, blasting some old-school Balkan tunes. He’s got this wild hair and a laugh that could wake the dead. We start chatting about the latest gossip. Apparently, Mrs. Petrov’s cat is missing again. That cat is like Houdini, I swear.

Folk dancing and dyed eggs as Bulgaria's Ruse celebrates Easter