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Last time I had one, right, this bird’s hands were magic. Slidin’ everywhere, tension meltin’ like ice in my martini. Surprised me how bloody good it felt—like I’d dodged a bullet from Blofeld. “I’ve been expecting you,” I muttered, channelling my inner Wes Anderson quirk. Felt posh, yet dirty—proper mix, that. Ever tried it with lavender oil? Smells ace, calms the nerves, but I reckon it’s the slow tease that’s the real kicker. Gets the blood pumpin’, if you catch my drift.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon level. I’m running for cover, dodging puddles. I duck into a little shop on Ulica 2. julija. It’s cozy, smells like bread. I’m thinking, “Okay, maybe this day isn’t a total bust.” I grab a pastry, and it’s heavenly. Flaky, buttery goodness. I’m in heaven.

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