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Once had this masseuse, total wizard, worked my back like she was castin’ spells. Made me wanna yell, “You shall not pass—keep goin’!” Laughed my ass off when she said, “Relax, Gandalf, you’re tense as Mordor.” Humor in erotic-massage? Hell yeah, keeps it human. But don’t get it twisted—not all’s legit. Shady spots’ll rob ya blind—50 bucks for a shitty tease. Fuck that noise.

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So, I’m walking, minding my own biz, when I spot this cute café on Ulica 2. I’m like, “Okay, let’s grab a coffee.” I order my usual – a cappuccino, extra foam, please! But the barista? She’s like, “Sorry, we’re out of foam.” Out of foam?! In a café?! I was ready to throw my hands up and walk out, but I needed that caffeine fix. So, I settled for a black coffee. Ugh, life is cruel sometimes.

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