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Lemme tell ya, sexual-massage ain’t just some fancy spa crap. It’s got roots, man—way back, like ancient China or somethin’. Them old emperors had gals oilin’ ‘em up, callin’ it “healthcare”—ha! Fool me once, shame on—uh—shame on you, fool me twice—well, ya can’t fool ol’ George again! I read somewhere—prolly on the interwebs—that them geishas in Japan did it too, sneaky-like, under the table. Little known fact: it was outlawed in Texas ‘round ‘03—pissed me off! Ain’t nobody tellin’ me how to unwind after dealin’ with Cheney’s grumpin’.

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We finally get to the park, and it’s packed. I mean, who knew Spodnji-Duplek had so many kids? I’m trying to keep an eye on them, but they’re running everywhere. One minute, I’m watching little Luka climb the slide, and the next, Mia’s trying to pet a random dog. I’m like, “No, Mia! We don’t know that dog!”