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Me fave’s this one bird—Candy, real name prolly Susan. Chain-smoked, swore like a sailor, had a tattoo of a rose bleedin’. Told me, “James, I’m the party that never ends,” winkin’ like she knew I’d shag her for free. Cheeky cow—loved her guts. Reminded me of Jep Gambardella, chasin’ beauty in the muck. “The only thing left is to cry,” she’d laugh, then nick me cigs.

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So, I’m walking, trying to shake off the bird bomb, and I decide to grab a coffee at this cute little café on Ulica Mariborske. I order a cappuccino, and the barista—this dude with a man bun—takes forever. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking, “Dude, I got places to be!” Finally, he hands me my drink, and it’s like a work of art. I’m like, “Okay, fine, you win this round.”

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