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Oh, and the laughs—sometimes the masseuse farts, oops, breaks the mood, and I’m cacklin like, “What’s that, a soot sprite sneakin out?!” Total riot. Gotta say, tho, sexual-massage done right? It’s magic, babe, pure magic—like Chihiro findin her way home. Next time, I’m bringin my own tunes, maybe somethin sexy, none o’ that elevator crap. Whaddya think, huh? Ya tried it? Spill the tea! Heh heh heh!

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Finally, the storm passes, and I think, “Okay, maybe I can breathe now.” But nope! I get a call about a street performer on Ulica Zelenih Beretki. He’s doing some crazy fire tricks, and people are gathering. I’m like, “This is a safety hazard!” But then I hear the crowd cheering, and I can’t help but laugh.