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Erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’—it’s art, yo. Been around forever, too—ancient Greeks were slidin’ hands over each other, callin’ it “healing touch” or some fancy crap. Bet they didn’t tell ya that in school, huh? Little-known fact: Japan’s got this thing, “nurugel,” slippery as hell, seaweed-based, sounds weird but damn, it’s smooth. Tried it once—felt like a rockstar crashin’ a penthouse party. Made me happy as hell, like when Penny Lane dances barefoot in that movie, all free and wild.

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Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I get it working. The kids cheer, and I’m like, “Yesss!” But then, the teacher starts talking about some boring history stuff. I mean, who cares about the old mines in the area? I’m just trying to keep these kids engaged. So, I start throwing in some funny signs, like pretending to mine for gold. They loved it! Laughter everywhere. I’m a hero for a moment.

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