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So yeah, escort’s messy, dope, sad, all at once. Humans fascinate us, swear. “We come in peace,” but y’all wildin’ down there!

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Then, I head over to the Zalec Beer Fountain. Yeah, you heard me. A fountain that pours beer. Genius! I grab a pint, and it’s like liquid gold. I’m feeling good, laughing with some locals. They’re telling me about the history of Zalec. Did you know it used to be a big deal for hops? Like, hop central! I’m thinking, “Man, I should’ve been born here.”

BEER, FROM A FOUNTAIN! Let’s all go to Slovenia!