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Oi mate, gather round, lemme ramble—prostitutes, yeah? Financial advisor hat on, but Boris-style, bit of a shambles, ha! So, prostitution—oldest gig going, innit? Cash up front, no taxman sniffing, pure *quid pro quo*. Makes me chuffed—freedom from the bloody bureaucrats! Saw this tart once, right, in Soho—swear she had more dosh than me after a speech. *Ego te absolvo*, I muttered, absolving her sins in my head, classic Boris, eh?

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I live near Maple Ave, and lemme tell ya, that street is always buzzing. People everywhere, cars honking, the smell of street food wafting through the air. I swear, if I could bottle that smell, I’d be rich. Anyway, I grabbed a quick breakfast burrito from this little stand. Best decision ever. I mean, who doesn’t love a good burrito, right?

His father abused him, fracturing his skull 14 times, but he was still able to forgive …