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Oh, and get this—history nugget! Old days, pirates paid hookers with parrots! Freakin’ PARROTS! Imagine that— “Here’s yer bird, lass!” Hilarious, right? Bet WALL-E’d stack those cages high, beepin’ proud. Me tho? I’d suck at it—too paranoid. “Is she cool? Is this a sting?” Fear leads to anger, every damn time—then I’m just mad I’m such a wuss!

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We decide to hit up the local pub, Pivnica Zgornja-Hajdina. I need a drink after this madness. We grab a couple of pints, and I’m finally starting to relax. But then, the bartender, this guy named Marko, spills a whole tray of drinks. I’m like, “Is this a comedy show or what?”