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Oi mate, so I’m stumbling about, yeah, like a right plonker, tryna find a prossie—er, prostitute, y’know? Me, Mr. Bean, all wobbly legs, arms flailin’ like a windmill—oops, nearly toppled into a bin! *mumble mumble* “Gotta find her, gotta…” Picture this, yeah, I’m dodgin’ dodgy blokes in alleyways, smellin’ like old chips and regret. Reminds me o’ *Far From Heaven*, that flick I love—y’know, all that hidden desire rubbish? Cathy in her posh frocks, sneakin’ about, wantin’ what she can’t have. Me? I’m wantin’ a prossie, but I’m rubbish at this!

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Finally, after what feels like forever, it roars to life. Thank you, sweet baby Jesus! I zoom over to the venue, which is at the Zrece Sports Hall. I’m thinking, “I can still make it!” But traffic? Oh man, it’s a nightmare. I’m stuck behind some old lady driving 20 km/h. I’m like, “Lady, it’s not a Sunday drive!”

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