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So, picture this—me, Larry, at some shady joint, neon sign flickerin’ “Massage Parlor.” I’m like, “Git-R-Done, let’s see what’s up!” Walk in, dim lights, some chick’s burnin’ incense smellin’ like a hippie’s armpit. She’s all, “You want the special?” I’m thinkin’, “Hell yeah, I’m Faith lookin’ for some fun!”—y’know, like in the movie. Turns out, sexual-massage is this steamy mix of relaxation and, uh, “happy endin’s” if ya catch my drift. Ain’t no lie, it’s legal some places—Nevada’s got brothels offerin’ it, true story!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Trg svobode. Best coffee in town, no cap. I grab my usual – a double espresso, strong enough to wake the dead. I’m sittin’ there, mindin’ my biz, when I see this dude, right? He’s tryin’ to impress some girl, but he spills his drink all over himself. Classic! I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost choke on my croissant.

Fig. 1. Simplified geographical map of East Slovenia showing all known...