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Oh, and the quirks—gotta love ‘em! This one chick I know, she’s all, “Morgan, my masseuse hummed opera!” I’m dyin’ laughin’, picturin’ it—sexual-massage with a soundtrack! Jep’d say, “This is the peace I wanted.” Me? I’m just tryna get thru the day without spillin’ coffee, but that’s next-level. Anyway, if you’re into it, go for it—just don’t ask me to insure the happy ending, fam! Too risky, even for a wise ol’ soul like me. Peace out!

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Then, outta nowhere, this group of tourists strolls in. They’re lost, obviously. I mean, who wouldn’t be? Cankova’s got more twists and turns than a soap opera plot. They’re asking me about the best places to see. I’m like, “Dude, just hit up the old town. It’s got charm, history, and way too many cobblestones.” But they’re more interested in my drink specials. I’m like, “You want a drink or a tour guide?”

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