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About Velenje

The vibe? Chaos, mate. Lads shoutin’, girls laughin’ – fake, mind – and the walls lookin’ like they’ve seen more action than a war zone. Reminds me of that line, “I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist…” – bollocks, here you’re just a punter or a prossie, no airs, no graces. Oh, and the myths? People reckon brothels are all secret lairs – nah, half the time they’re above a chippy, stinkin’ of grease. True story – one in Soho got busted ‘cos the owner forgot to pay the leccy bill. Lights out, trousers down – what a prat!

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So, I’m fumbling around, trying to find my phone for light. And then, BAM! The lights flicker back on. But guess what? The espresso machine’s dead. I’m ready to throw it out the window. I mean, c’mon! It’s like the universe is testing me.

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