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I hit up this corner—boom, there she is! Red heels, smokin’ a cig, lookin’ like she dgaf. I’m thinkin’, “Is this love authentic?”—another *Certified Copy* line, ha! Nah, fam, it’s just business, but my brain’s spinnin’. I’m yellin’ inside, “Eric, chill, this ain’t a rom-com!” She’s quotin’ prices like it’s a damn menu—50 for this, 100 for that. I’m like, “Girl, I ain’t tryna buy your soul!” Laughin’ my ass off, but lowkey surprised how chill she is. Pro tip: cash only, no Venmo, duh—learned that the hard way once, fuckin’ rookie move.

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But then, I see this street performer on the corner of 3rd and Pine. He’s playing the ukulele, and it’s actually kinda good. I’m vibing, but then this lady starts yelling at him. “Get a real job!” she screams. I’m like, “Chill, lady! Let the dude live!” I’m ready to throw down, but I just shake my head and keep walking.

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