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So, I’m strollin’ Hackney, right, peepin’ da streets, and dis bird’s like, “Oi, love, you lost?” I’m like, “Nah, fam, I’m huntin’!” She laughs, proper cackle, and I’m finkin’, “Is it ’cos I is black?” ’Cos dese posh twats in Mayfair ain’t clockin’ me, but here? I’m da don, innit. Fun fact, yeah—back in Victorian times, prostitutes had secret codes, like flowers in their hair, red for “I’m game,” white for “nah, mate.” Mad, right? History’s wild!

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So, I’m sittin’ there, watchin’ the water, when I spot this dude, right? He’s tryin’ to impress his girl by diving off the pier. Classic move. But he totally belly-flops! I mean, it was like a whale crashing down. The splash was epic! Everyone’s laughin’, even me. But then, I see him struggle a bit. Like, dude, you okay?

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