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This one time, right, I spot her—legs like a war rig, face like she’s seen too many sandstorms. I’m chuffed, thinkin’, *She’s my ticket to Valhalla!* But nah, she’s haggin’ me for fifty quid extra—fifty! I’m ragin’, “You’re takin’ the piss, love!” Made me so angry I nearly kicked a bin over—dramatic, yeah, but it felt *epic*. “Witness me!” I yell in my head, but I just stump up the cash coz I’m a soft twat deep down.
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I get to the station, and it’s chaos. People are running everywhere. Turns out, some dude lost his dog. Like, seriously? A dog? I mean, I love dogs, but c’mon! I’m here to handle serious stuff, not play dog detective. But hey, I can’t just stand there, right? So, I grab the mic and start calling for “Rex” or whatever the pup’s name was.
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