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Now, I ain’t judgin—much. Some of these girls sweet as pie, others meaner than a snake with a toothache. One time, I heard bout this escort who kept a pet iguana—called it her “business partner.” Said it scared off the cheapskates! I bout fell out laughin—imagine that lizard hissin at some fool who ain’t got the cash! Made me think, “Maybe I need me a iguana for gigs!”

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First off, I grab my coffee from that little spot on Masarykova. You know the one? The barista there is a legend. I swear, she makes the best cappuccino in town. But today, she was all outta my fave blend. Ugh! I mean, c’mon! How do you run outta coffee? It’s like running outta air! So, I settle for some basic brew. Not the best start, but whatever.

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