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So, I’m thinkin’, who even came up with this? Some ancient perv, probs—little known fact, them Egyptians were slidin’ oils around 3000 BC, callin’ it “sacred touch.” Freaky, right? Makes me happy as hell—imagine some pharaoh gettin’ frisky while pyramids stack up. But what pisses me off? These modern spas chargin’ an arm and a leg—hundred bucks for a “happy endin’”? Gimme a break, I’d rather buy a frickin’ jetpack.

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Finally, I wrap up. I’m covered in dust, but I don’t care. I head over to the festival, and it’s lit! Food stalls everywhere, music blasting. I grab a langoš, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m dancing like nobody’s watching, even though they totally are.

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