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Oh, and the smells—oils, lavender, some stank like fish guts, ugh! Reminds me of “The Master” when Lancaster’s all “Man is not an animal!”—but bro, we kinda are, gruntin’ and slippery! Ever try it? Bet ya haven’t—most don’t, too scared or broke. Costs a kidney sometimes, fuckin’ ripoff! Still, worth it once—twist ya up, leave ya goofy.

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Anyway, I shake it off. I’m like, “Whatever, it’s just a shirt.” But then I hit up the local bakery on Hurbanova. Best pastries ever! I’m talkin’ about those trdelník things. I grab one, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, I see this kid, right? He’s got chocolate all over his face, and he’s just staring at me like I’m the pastry god. I can’t help but laugh. Kids are hilarious.

Thomas Seaborn Martin