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So I’m digging, right, like in “4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days”—that flick’s grim as hell, gets me every time. That line, “You’re my friend, you owe me,” hits hard when you think of sex-dating. People usin’ each other, desperate, dodgy deals in the dark. I saw this one bird on Tinder—profile screamin’ “fun times only,” but her eyes in the pic? Dead as a doornail. Made me proper sad, mate. Reminds me of Otilia in the film, stuck in a mess not hers.

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So, I get to the auction house, and it’s packed. Like, standing-room-only packed. I’m thinkin’, “Great, more people means more bids, right?” But then I see this dude, right? He’s sittin’ there, all smug, like he owns the place. Turns out, he’s a collector of weird stuff. I mean, who collects old spoons? But hey, to each their own, I guess.

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