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But ugh, the fakes piss me off! “I’m an escort,” they say, but nah, just gold-diggers with no class. Respect my authoritah, quit lyin’! Reminds me of Haneke’s kids, all prim but rotten inside – “Evil hides in innocence!” Hate that crap, makes me wanna barf. Once knew this guy, paid 500 bucks for an escort, she ghosted! Laughed my ass off, dumbass deserved it.

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Then, outta nowhere, this guy bursts in. He’s wearin’ a full-on pirate costume. I’m talkin’ eye patch, parrot on his shoulder, the whole shebang. He starts shoutin’ about treasure and adventure. I’m thinkin’, “Dude, you’re in the wrong place. This ain’t Tortuga!” But everyone’s lovin’ it. They start clappin’ and cheerin’. I can’t help but join in.

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